Why I've Been Afraid to Blog

Who am I?

For a while now I’ve been afraid to blog.  Lately I’ve been trying to understand that fear, especially since blogging seems like a great way for my ebook readers to get to know more about me.  So I think I’ve come up with a couple of possibilities.

One, I know my medical condition (I plan to post more about this in the future) and the medication I take have changed me drastically.  I had a really bad stretch back in 2006 that landed me in the hospital, and also seemed to wipe out a good deal of my memories.  One of the things I always took for granted was my exceptional memory.  My entire life people commented on my ability to recall past events with amazing clarity, down to the smallest details.  And many of those people probably hated me for being right so often too.  But after my nice flare-up early in 2006, I not only forgot a lot of things, but I started having an almost impossible time in remembering new things.  And I’m not talking about forgetting little things or just being fuzzy on details.  I’m talking about people completely gone, no recognition or recollection of them at all.  Major, super important events, things I loved, gone.  I caught flack for a while after the flare-up because people thought I was just being a snot when I said I couldn’t remember.  Brother how I wish an attitude adjustment was all I needed to fix it.

So, back on point, one of my fears in blogging is that folks I’ve known my whole life will see how much this disease has taken from me, and I still don’t think I’m ready to face that.

Second, and loosely tied to the memory thing, I’m not sure who I am any more, because half the time I can’t remember who I’ve been.  So I’m afraid today I’ll blog about something that tomorrow I’ll completely disagree with.  And then people will begin to realize just how crazy I really am.  (Not lock-him-up-immediately crazy, just way-out-there crazy.)

Ironically, in trying to connect with those who read my stories, I may run some folks off with less than “author-like” behavior.  For instance, I’ve always sucked at spelling, seeing sentences instead of letters, but these days I misspell even simple things.  It’s embarrassing.  I know a ton of words, although they often flee my brain when I go looking for them, but on those days when I do actually track one down, I may know what it is and how it should be used, but I’ll have little to no-idea how to spell it.  Punctuation is kind of the same.  Now I’m no expert, but in the past my punctuation hasn’t been too shabby, however, lately it’s mostly bad and frequently inconsistent.  Just recently I was editing one of my books and came across a section where I had consistently used the wrong punctuation mark in a quotation.  Now I instantly spotted it as wrong that day, but what amazed me is how much of the book I had written using the wrong punctuation.

So, I’m afraid in writing about my writing my writing will lead you to write me off.  (I meant to say that, I really did.)

Since you’re reading this though, it’s safe to assume I’ve taken the plunge, or at least dipped my toe in the blogging waters.  By the way, I wrote this several months before I posted it, but here it is, for better or worse.  I hope for better, and that you will enjoy the ride.